Do not offer intimacy!

Part 1

Horn, second, third. It seems like it will last forever.

Malinovsky, damn him!

I squeeze a red-hot pipe in my hands and frankly freak out. The heat for the beginning of May is unbearable, the makeup is swollen, the shoes are rubbed, and sleepy bees are circling around the head. Thanks to my girlfriend for inventing me to make a honey hair mask in the morning.

I dial the number again and wait, wait, wait.

- Zhenya, what is there? - Anka shouts from the balcony, and I, lifting the edge of the veil, lift my head up.

“As you can see, no prince, no carriage.

“Well, you wait another twenty minutes until registration,” Tsvetkova broadcasts with concern from the loggia of the seventh floor, and I, having covered my face reddened from the heat with a veil, pretend that I don’t notice the malicious whispering of the neighbors on the bench.

Yes, you heard right - an unfortunate twenty minutes remained before the registration of my marriage, like a fool I am standing near the entrance in a wedding dress, pumps and a bouquet of dwarf roses in my hands, waiting for the most, most, most wonderful idiot in the world, whose wife I am I will be very soon.

What the hell made me sign up for this adventure? Perhaps, after the prehistory, all questions will disappear by themselves ...

* * *

A week before the tragic happy event.

— I miss you too, John.

- Ge-e-en!

— I have to run later in the evening.

- Zhenya!

- Seven o'clock.

- Romashkina, damn it! - Tsvetkova freaks out and, brazenly snatching the phone out of my hands, categorically cuts down the video connection. - In two minutes, Venik has steam, he will grind us into powder. We already skipped half of the last lecture in the ice cream parlor.

“You didn’t even let me say goodbye to John properly, is that what friends do?” Furrowing my brows, I take my phone away and toss it into the bottom of my purse. - By the way, in a few days he flies to the Alps, and there the connection is bad.

— You still have time to coo with your John! He is there, in his America, and Venik, - Tsvetkova puts fives on her head and imitates a rabbit bite, - and Venik is here, in the next room and he is very, very angry. In addition to a ticket to Arizona, do you want to save money for a fake diploma?

“No, no, this is highly undesirable. Now I'm saving every ruble, a penny - and that's worth its weight in gold! I grab my friend by the arm and barely keep up with her. “If you only knew how I long to surprise John!” Can you imagine, he is sitting at home like this, studying his hiking maps or fixing a compass, then the doorbell rings and ta-da-a-am ...

— What then?

- Do not catch up? And at the door I, Tsvetkova! Unexpectedly, unexpectedly. Here he is freaking out.

— Broom will go nuts even more if we arrive on time for a couple, — Anka opens the door and pushes me into a noisy auditorium. - Graduate from university and then go wherever you want. I promised your mother to look after you.

“Yes, you yourself behave like my mother sometimes,” I throw my bag on the table and plop down in an empty seat. "And by the way, I'm two months older than you!"

“Age, Romashkina, is not calculated in years in the passport, if you didn’t know, but by the content of what is contained here,” she hits herself on the top of her head with her palm. - And you, in your greenhouse conditions, have never encountered anything worse than a cockroach on a breadbasket.

- Fu-u, yes, I would faint if I saw a cockroach on a breadbasket.

“What is it about, Zhenya, what is it about,” Tsvetkova takes out her eyepieces from her bag and puts them on her nose. - And from the seventh grade I dragged my father drunk from work on me, cooked borscht and raised my younger brother.

“Yes, you won’t envy you here,” sighing, I put my elbow on the table and rest my cheek on my fist. - Mom has set you as an example to me since childhood, they say, look at Anya, what a smart and adult girl, a little housewife, and you ... a hothouse chamomile. But think about it - both have floral surnames, but from different flower beds.

“It’s just that your flower bed was watered with love and pampering, and mine…” Anka waves her hand, hinting to close this not very pleasant topic, but then she still can’t stand it: “But my mother successfully married a second time,” and caustically, “for a sailor ! No wonder she ran away from home.

I put my hand on my friend's shoulder and pull Tsvetkova closer to me.

- Do not be upset, Ank, but my mother knows how much you love, sometimes it seems to me that even more than me.

- Aunt Alla is a world woman. So, Romashkina, don’t even think about stupid things, I won’t tear you down alive, but I’ll bring you to a diploma. I promised Aunt Alla.

Since childhood, Anka and I have been like relatives, everyone called us that in the yard - dairy sisters. Completely different, but perfectly complementary. And since her mother ran away to another peasant, Anka became even closer to me. Up to the eleventh grade, water does not spill: joint overnight stays, forays into nature, weekends at the dacha, and after school, like a sherochka with a little girl - they entered the institute alone, we divide the odnushka for two.

And who said that female friendship does not exist?

“Say thanks that I haven’t reported to her about your tricks with this muddy John of yours yet,” Tsvetkova adds, and I flare up:

— What are you! Don't even think about it! She will definitely put me under lock and key at home, like this one, well, how is it there ...

- Rapunzel.

- Exactly! I also have a long braid. Ah, how I like him, - I lay down on my outstretched arm and dreamily close my eyes. - Imagine: I will finish the university, fly away to John in America, we will travel together with him, then we will get married, we will give birth to children ...

“Come back to earth, Romashkina,” the friend besieges cruelly. - This John of yours, to be honest, does not inspire confidence at all, - and quieter: - He is muddy. Slippery. Here is the fifth point I feel.

‍​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​​​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌— She understands a lot, your fifth point, - offendedly I take a vertical position and pull the hems of a light jacket. John is cool and he loves me. He himself said.

- Oh yeah! The easiest way to tell the truth is over the phone. And to lie...

- Yes, you go! - ... and hoping to change the subject, I look at my watch: - And where does this Venik go? He yells at us for being late, and he himself has been delaying the lecture for four minutes. I may be exhausted, I am drawn to knowledge.

“You are amorous, Romashkina, you are still a fool,” Anka says in the tone of an experienced matron and, opening a thick notebook, immediately slams it shut, looking into my eyes with cunning: “Remember Shiryaev. How did you get on with it?

- Well, you say too! When was that?! You still remember the events of the forty-first year.

What happened in forty-one? - Tsvetkova immediately clings.

“War,” I blink. - World War II.

- Between whom and whom?

- Leave me alone! - with a smile, I shove my friend in the shoulder and also take out a notebook. - Yes, and I didn’t like Shiryaev just so much so that ...

- Yes, yes, yes, after school I was waiting for him and put love notes in my pockets.

- It was in the eighth grade, hello! I was a child.

— And Gribanov? - Tsvetkova squints and parodies me in such a disgusting way: - Anto-he, Antoshenka-a, I'll be waiting for you from the army, honestly, honestly! and adds in a stern voice. - Then she sobbed into my vest for a week when she found out that he was running AWOL to the girls in the hostel from the sewing college. And then you tried smoking for the first time, I remember everything.

And that was at eleven! She’s also not far from the eighth mind, I defend myself.

- OK then. And Malinovsky Bogdan? .. - another ball into the pocket.

- You're a fool, aren't you? Malinovsky is an idiot to look for, and I definitely never dried up on him. So, I liked it purely outwardly at the first meeting, but then, when I got to know him better ... Yes, even on the same field with him - yes, never mind! - I confidently cut off and do not lie.

Arrogant major. He thinks that the entire female half of the institute is ready to fall at his feet, as soon as he just opens the door of the Bentley daddy bought with money and beckons with his finger. Never! That's in it I did not fall in love with the mind just enough. As much as I liked it at the first meeting, I immediately fell out of love with it.

“Well, Malinovsky can be deleted, and then,” Anka throws out her index finger instructively, “this is because I quickly opened your eyes to him. If it weren't for me, you would definitely have.

- You do not say! I snort and even start to get annoyed. “In short, stop listing all my sympathies, John is definitely different. I have real adult feelings for him and I will definitely find money and fly to America, you'll see.

“Well, okay, okay, just get your diploma first, and then at least to John in America, at least to Vasily in Perelyoshino,” Tsvetkova allows, and I can’t help smiling.

Well, I definitely signed up for mothers.

The door opens with a slight creak and looks into the audience ... Malinovsky. Did he forget something? As they say: remember, ahem, and there it is.

Brushing his fashionably trimmed bangs off his forehead, Malinovsky briefly looks around the audience and, ignoring the shots of undisguised delight from the side - to be honest - almost all the girls, glares at me.

“Romashkina, come here, we need to talk,” Bogdan nods over his shoulder, but I don’t even listen with my ear.

I pick up a pencil and defiantly stare at the board covered with formulas left over from the last lecture.

— Romashkina! Malinowski repeats louder and frowns his thick dark eyebrows.

- What more! I have a lecture, - in spite of him I give out, and I feel directly with my skin how everyone's jaw dropped.

- So Venik is not there. Go, you won't regret it.

- Tell me, I have no secrets from Tsvetkova. And from the others too.

- That's stubborn, - Bogdan smiles wryly and, to the general delight of the girls, goes into the audience. Approaching Anka and me, he puts his elbows on the table and shoots blue eyes around. - Romashkina, a conversation of extreme importance. Went.

I look at Anka - she is sitting with an impenetrable face. I hear Selivanova's whisper from behind:

"God, can't I come?"

- Sorry, lapul, not today, - and under his breath: - and not tomorrow. - And then loudly, turning on all his charm: - Romashkina, be a man, give me a minute of your precious time.

“Okay, okay,” I pull and deliberately slowly get up from the bench.

Honestly, I don't know why I agreed. Probably to wipe the nose of all these insta beauties from our stream. So I’m no worse - a head start for any ladies, but I still wanted to show off.

- I'll be soon, An, - I throw Tsvetkova and slowly go out after Malinovsky. Closing the door, I lean against that back and fold my arms over my chest: - So? What do you want?

- No, no, lapul, not here - the conversation is serious and, - winks, - intimate.

- I'm not your lapule - this is the time, and with intimacy, out, to Selivanova, she is always in favor. So what do you need?

“In short,” Bogdan rubs his chin with his fingers and looks around. - In short, the thing is ... Damn, I don’t even know how to say something ...

- Yes, speak already, just like a girl of marriageable age.

What is it with him really.

After making sure that no one warms their ears, Malinovsky comes closer and like a butt:

- In short, marry me, Romashkina.

Part 2

- What-about? Quite, or something, collapsed from the oak! - I twist my finger at my temple and become alert: - Or are you under something? You, be more serious, Malinovsky, do not let yourself go, now everything is being treated, any addiction.

“I’m addicted to you, lapul,” Bogdan takes a step and presses me against the door with his Gucci-scented body. - Fell in love, no strength, day and night I think about you. Eh, what are you doing?

“Something, I’m getting the phone,” I grumble, and somehow I take the device out of my jacket pocket. “Don’t worry, we’ll call the right place now, they’ll help you.” You know how medicine has moved forward.

- Well, that's what you're mocking, I'm serious.

- Malinovsky, go to the bath! Fill someone else, but not me, - I push it off me and I'm going to leave this theater of the absurd.

- Zhenya, wait, - Bogdan takes my hand and stops me. Here the devil knows why, but again I allow myself to be persuaded and turn around. - In short ... Damn, Venik is dragging, let's go talk in another place, - he pulls me to the stairs, but I balk:

“I won’t go anywhere with you, I have a lecture!”

- Romashkina, why are you so tight, I say - a matter of extreme importance.

- If Venik slaps me absenteeism, you will excuse me! - trying not to stomp loudly, we briskly roll up the stairs, rush to the first floor and, taking a breath, find ourselves in a half-empty dining room. Breathing heavily, I brush off the strands that have fallen out of my face: - That's it, lay it out, maybe somehow I can get into the audience without being pale and not miss anything.

- Shall we get some coffee?

— Yes, what is it, huh? Why so many preludes? Coffee, then we'll dance, then you'll walk me home, and maybe only later...

“I like you, Romashkina, that’s what,” he says seriously, and for a split second I even seem to believe him, but after a moment I immediately begin to laugh at the whole dining room.

- I? You? Yes, you yourself called me a cool ice-cold, forgot?

- Well, I was a fool.

“Are you wiser now?”

“And now he has become wiser,” he nods and, unable to restrain himself any longer, also laughs, showing the world a dimple on his left cheek. It seems to me that this dimple of his has driven half of the institute crazy. Even I once fell for it, in the distant, distant past.

- Congratulations - you are now smart, the flag is in your hands. I have to go, - I shake his hand and I'm going to run away, but he clings to my fingers and, without asking, pulling me up to the table, he sits me on a shabby dining chair. The thought flickers - it's good that they are not in pantyhose, as if the clues would remain. I sigh heavily and, crossing my legs, fold my fingers into a tight lock. - Well, what do you want? I just don’t need la-la about love, otherwise I’ll be sick of coffee in the morning.

- Okay, I realized that this standard snowstorm will not work with you, - Malinovsky waves his hand doomedly and removes the annoying bangs with his five fingers on the top of his head. “I confess I have no feelings for you, I’m sorry. Just don't cry.

— Pf! I sigh ironically and roll my eyes.

“But I do offer you my hand. Sorry no heart. The Chinese delivery lost this body somewhere along the way from Shanghai.

“You are an idiot, Malinovsky, and your jokes are not funny.

- It's not a joke! he is outraged.

“Well, if it’s not a joke, then put your hand in ...

“Understood, not a fool,” Bogdan throws up his palms and, leaning forward, lowers his tone: “You don’t need a hand, just take the ring,” and then a box from Tiffany lies in front of me on a table streaked with scratches.

- Wow! Here it is yes-ah-ah-ah! Whee! - I squeal in delight and immediately change my tone: - Did you expect this or what?

- Approximately this, but it turns out that you are completely married.

- I'm leaving now.

- Stop! he blurts out and smiles sweetly again. “React how you want, just take it for yourself.”

"And what am I to do with him?"

- Put it on your finger and go with me to the registry office, say, on Monday. How many couples do you have on Monday?

- Crazy! - I quit and really start to be seriously afraid of him.

- I'm not crazy. In short, the truth-womb? Okay.” Scuffing his feet on the linoleum, he pulls a chair closer and, placing his hand on the table, palm down, mutters, “I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

- Malinovsky, how old are you? I unceremoniously interrupt this awkward speech.

- Twenty one.

- M. And it seems that eleven.

“But, but, don’t give me such small numbers, they lower my self-esteem below the plinth,” Bogdan threatens with his finger, and I intensely remember where and when I sinned like that.

- In short, so, - I hit my palms on the table and, having risen, I hang over the joker: - Or right now you say it like it is ...

- Cool you have ... - focuses his eyes on the neckline of my blouse and I fly up:

- Everything, it burst.

— What burst?

- My patience! - I jump up from my chair and fly to the exit like a bullet, pushing a freshman along the way with a full tray of canteen food.

- Romashkina, stop! - Malinovsky catches up with me in three seconds and, ignoring the objections, pulls me to the dusty window sill, on which a lonely violet crouched. Pressing me against an icy cast-iron battery, he finally says, without any wisdom: - In short, I got to the fullest, and I urgently - just like diarrhea from ... - catches my ferocious look, - ... of the place where you offered me my hand shove you need to marry someone.

- Well, choose any, whistle - the line will run. What am I doing here?

So I chose you.

- But I do not.

- Romashkina, don't be a fool, the offer - you will swing. Listen first to the conditions, he whispers, and against my will I admire the color of his eyes. Blue-blue, like the sky.

‍​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​​​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌— conditions are interesting. Well, just to know the extent of your insanity.

- In general, for marriage with me - short-term! - he clarifies, - a fictitious marriage, I will pay you three million rubles.

- What-about? Yes you drive! - I shove him in the chest with my palms and break out of forced captivity. - You don't have that kind of money!

Have you seen my car? Porsche. Grandfather's gift. Do you know who my grandfather is? - withstands the intrigue and shoots: - My grandfather is the owner of Oil DorTrans.

- You're running again. Yes, if your grandfather had been the same Malinovsky, you would not have studied at this university, wiped your pants somewhere at Harvard.

- And I wiped it. I finished my studies for six months and here I am, to the delight of everyone.

- Turned?

“Six months of drunkenness, out-of-control parties and mind-blowing,” quirks his eyebrows, “sex.” It was worth it. True, then grandfather found out about everything - and it's so sad - but what about this now.

- No, I suspected that one of your relatives was a big shot, but so that Malinovsky himself ... Well, you are definitely an idiot, you missed such a chance. This is America, my dream!

- Seriously? - Malinovsky's eyes light up like the lights of a Kremlin Christmas tree. “Well then, let’s help each other, Romashkina!” God himself pointed to you with his finger. You do me a small favor, I'll give you three million - with the help of them you can definitely drive off to America. To New York! You can see the Empire Street Building, the Statue of Liberty.

“I need to go to Arizona,” I sigh and bite my lower lip thoughtfully.

- A strange dream, of course, but to Arizona so to Arizona. Well, on the hands?

- Are you really sick? To marry you even for money - no thanks, look for another fool - I refuse and turn to face the window, looking at the yard through the stained glass.

- Why are you so stubborn! A non-binding painting in the registry office, then a divorce and hello - sultry Arizona! Well, think about it, where are you going to get so much money? You don't have a grandfather.

- My grandfather is a war veteran, he took Berlin! I hiss in humiliation.

- Super, part and praise, but he doesn’t have that kind of money. And mine has, so I have them too.

I cross my arms over my chest and turn to look at the tempting snake.

- Bogdasha, and by the way, why do you need to get married so urgently? Slope away from the army, or what?

- Worse. My other grandfather, on my mother’s side, recently gave his soul to God…

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I say quite sincerely, but he only waves it off:

- He was such a man, with humor, we have this family, if you notice.

- I did not notice.

“In general, he left me a large will, well, there is an apartment on the Arbat, a share in the business, and so on, even little things, but I can only get it if I am married,” he throws up his hands and sticks out his lower lip. - That's the base, right?

- Well, you are mercantile through and through, Malinovsky! I grimaced without hiding contempt. - Grandfather wanted you to settle down, and you decided to stir up a set-up in order to get hold of his money as soon as possible.

- And you rummage, - he smiles contentedly and the dimple does not take long to wait. - Everything is just like that. In a couple of months we will finish the university, I want to leave not empty-handed. I have big plans for the future and for this I need this legacy. Oh, that's just not necessary here to build from yourself. As if you refused such a jackpot.

- In this way - of course, I would refuse!

“But I’m not a saint,” he throws up his hands, “and there is no halo.” I need money and you. You also need money and... me. We are tied. We don't have a choice.

“I need the money, that’s for sure,” I draw thoughtfully, realizing that the meeting with John from the mythical is becoming more than real. “But I don’t get it—why me?” Why not Loshkareva or Solomakhin, or Selivanov at worst. I why?

- Well, because ... - freezes, - ... because I knew that you urgently need money.

- Where does it come from?

“Yes, it’s not so important,” he waves his hand, they say, don’t pester. - Well, besides, you are pretty, everything is with you, my people will definitely believe that I kindled with love for you and decided to marry. So, Romashkina, do not pull the cat for ....

“Yes, I think, wait,” I bite my lips nervously and think, analyze, weigh.

So, what do I have to lose? Just think, I'll stain my passport with a seal, I'll put up with it for one day and that's it - three million. Three. Million. Yes, in my hometown you can buy a three-room apartment with this money, or a two-room apartment and a garage, or a one-room apartment, a garage for two cars and these same two cars. Oh, yes dofiga what is enough! Three millions! Mom dear! I can go to John's, surprise him. No apartments, cars and garages can compare with the delight that will shine in his eyes. Well, if it doesn’t grow together, I’ll come home and buy myself a odnushka with the remaining ones. And something else. Although what it does not grow together - how will it work out!

All you have to do is play husband and wife for a day, so I won’t overwork much.

There are rosy-cheeked freshmen running cross-country on the playground - a dull sight, none of them can compare with my John. I shift my gaze to the blue clear sky and see how the plane flies leaving behind a white haze. And I'm flying in it. In America.

“Three million and a wedding dress,” I say firmly, not taking my eyes off the point disappearing in the sky.

- What? Malinowski asks.

- I say: with you three million and a wedding dress. And shoes,” I add, confidently holding out my hand. - We get married, then we get divorced, you give me money and we don't know each other anymore. And another important point: no wedding night. There will be no sex!

Malinovsky, puffing out his cheeks, exhales with relief and, brushing off the interfering bangs with a movement of his head, holds out his hand:

- Pf, yes, I have this heaps of sex. No sex. Noticed. חשפניות

Part 3

- You are crazy! That's it, I'm calling Aunt Alla immediately! - Anka exclaims and grabs her mobile from the desk.

With the speed of a sprinter, I jump up to Tsvetkova, grab the phone and raise it in my outstretched hand above my head. Anya narrows her eyes and, realizing that she definitely won’t jump from the height of her dwarf sprout, she simply holds out her hand and demands:

- Give me my smartphone.

- Not!

- Romashkina, do not wake the beast in me!

- Never.

“You asked for it yourself,” Tsvetkova hisses. Having grabbed my iPad, he rushes to the bathroom and, holding the tablet with two fingers, brings it over the basin with soaked laundry: - Will you give it back?

“Are you a fool, do you know how much it costs?! - I am indignant, but I do not give the phone back.

- I don't care! If you think that I will easily allow you to take part in this crazy adventure, then you are deeply mistaken. I will never let my best friend be the only one! - clicks, - the best friend broke her life!

- Tsvetkova, don't be paranoid, this is a fictitious wedding - fik-tiv-na-ya! - I pronounce it in syllables and sit on the edge of the bathroom. - Well, it's so simple - to sign for the sake of a stamp and immediately get a divorce. But three pieces, Tsvetkova. Three! Just imagine this pile of money.

- And I won’t imagine, I’ll just call your mom and she will instantly knock all the nonsense out of your empty head. To agree to this madness, this is .... This is the height of stupidity! Think about it yourself - this is Malinovsky, you definitely don’t expect good from him, but a mean trick is easy. He’s up to something, as if I’m telling you, - Anka states with knowledge of the matter, and I roll my eyes, indignant at her phenomenal obstinacy.

Well, what can he think? Marry me and then recruit me into lifelong slavery? Yes, nafik, I surrendered to him, like he did to me, we have a purely business agreement - I help him, he helps me, everyone is happy, everyone is happy, fireworks, butterflies, salutes.

“And if he doesn’t give you a divorce later?” Tsvetkova narrows her eyes.

— Why would he? I beg you!

“And if he is your husband,” he stammers and says a little quieter in a “terrible” voice: “what if he dishonors you?

“Well, you’ve gone completely in the wrong direction. And I immediately told him that no wedding night is the main condition.

So he will listen to you right away, yeah. Holy naivety, as if born yesterday. He will twist, charm ... he will pour some nasty things into the mineral water - and that's it, finita la comedy, - Anka purses her lips and sits on the toilet lid. “I’m worried about you, Zhenya, but it really doesn’t smell good.

“It smells normal, money,” taking advantage of the hitch, I take my gadget and put all the confidence that I currently feel into the words: “Everything will be fine, An, don’t worry.” You, on the contrary, should be happy for me, such a generous offer of one in a million goes. I'll get the money, I'll surprise John - I'll fly without a return ticket and he won't go anywhere, - I giggle, - and then we'll take you to America with us.

“I really need it, America is yours, I feel good here too,” Tsvetkova lifts her chin proudly, and then gives up. With a wave of his hand, he rises from the lid of the toilet bowl and busily straightens the folds on his home shorts: - In general, you're right - your life, your bumps and your decision too. Only then do not roar at my shoulder.

- Why should I cry?

- Then, when this scoundrel deceives you - and he deceives, mark my word - you will shed not a single liter of tears in my vest.

- Don't croak! I knock superstitiously on a wooden cabinet and climb up after my friend. Wanting to cheer up, I put my hand on her shoulder and playfully push my hip: - Will you come to my wedding?

- I'll think about it, - Anka fills the price, but I see that she is almost not angry anymore. - And who are you only, Zhenya, such ....

- Which?

- Reckless. I wouldn't go for anything like that.

- Yes, I would not have dared either, but you know, three million is great to lull fear. And mind at the same time.

We, embracing, leave the bathroom, and Anya nods at my pocket:

- Give me back the phone.

I take out her mobile and freeze in indecision:

“Are you sure you won’t call your mom?”

- I definitely won't.

- Swear!

- Well, what nonsense!

“Come on, come on, like in childhood,” and I prompt: “I swear that I will not break my word for anything, otherwise ...

“...otherwise I won’t leave this place and I won’t get married for a century,” Anka continues, rolling her eyes memorized and holding out her hand. I put a simple smartphone into her palm and I know for sure that I will not violate Tsvetkov’s oath.

Anya puts her mobile in the drawer and sits down at the desk, busily dumping a mountain of tattered textbooks in front of her. Putting glasses on a neat nose, he turns to me and throws out his index finger:

— But mind you, I don’t like all this.​‌‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌‌‍

Part 4

The day before the offer

“Thirteen, fourteen and … fifteen,” I leaf through my notebook to the end and put my brand new iPhone in my jeans pocket. “Against your unfortunate four. I'm sorry, but this is a fail, bro.

— And how do you do it?! Persuading fifteen girls to give their phone number in half an hour is some kind of magic, damn it, - Artyom angrily beats his palm on the leather upholstery of the sofa and takes his glass of beer. - Kolis, were they all ugly?

Do you see the freak here? - I ask a counter question and look around the crowded dance floor, where she is prettier than the other.

“Then half of the numbers are exactly left,” shouting over the deafening music, the friend incriminates and leans back contentedly on the back of the sofa. - I wrote from the bulldozer to impress.

- Call anyone and if at least one of them turns out to be fake, I'll ... well, I don't know ... I'll let you drive my car for a week. But if everyone is real, you shave off your hair, I immediately hit with a joker, and Pashutin, automatically touching his pompadour styling, turns sour.

“Okay, I admit you made me. Which time. And what is it about you that makes them all fall for it?

- Charisma, indescribable beauty and a gorgeous muscular body?

“Leave this garbage out for them,” Artyom nods at the dance floor filled with girls and grimly sucks on the glass.

To tell the truth, Tom is even a little sorry. He goes out of his way to pick up some scoring chick, but in the end he hears only laughter in his address and another no. I don’t know much about male beauty, but Pashutin, it seems, is not a freak, he goes to the gym, and it’s easy with money, but with girls it’s a complete hopeless ambush.

How about me? And with me, as you probably already understood, everything just hurts. Fifteen numbers in half an hour is far from the limit. I have limitless possibilities in all areas. Yes, yes, in everyone, you heard right, and what you first thought about, I also do phenomenally.

- In short, you want to say that you can pick up just about anyone at all? After draining his glass, Pashutin leans forward and screw up his already decently filled eyes.

“In general, any,” I throw without hesitation, not at all doubting that I was right. - Name whoever you want and tomorrow she will fall asleep with my name on her lips.

— And Kuznetsova?

— Kuznetsova? So she seems to be, not for boys.

- Well, you yourself said that any! Artyom clings, and I start to get annoyed.

- Any of those who appreciate real men. Re-educating anorexic neurasthenics who have decided that life is decay, and all individuals who do not have buffers by default are freaks is a thankless task.

- Well, and Petrova Nastya?

- Petrova is with Nazarov. My friend's woman is not a woman, I strictly stop it, and then Pashutin's drowsy look lights up somehow in a special predatory way:

- Okay, okay, and Romashkina?

— Romashkin? I furrow my brows and think. - And who is it?

- Zhenya Romashkina, studying foreign language.

“Wait, is that the little one with glasses?” - I grimace, remembering the short man in baggy jackets for whom the best gift is a subscription to the library. - Are you kidding? She's a nerd!

“No, this is Tsvetkova, her girlfriend, and Romashkina is tall, her hair is blond, well, they still hang out with the nerd forever,” Tyoma prompts, and it’s remotely reaching me who she is. In appearance, it seems, nothing, but there is trouble with the character, outlook on life, to put it mildly, is strange. We crossed paths for a long time - I was not impressed.

- Come on, this Romashkina, is there no one else in mind? Maybe come on Aristova?

— No, he said that any means any. And I want it to be Romashkina, - Pashutin draws a smile. - You will pick up - I admit that you are an invincible alpha. But it seems to me that you won’t take this fortress, ”Artyom teases, taking another glass from the hands of the waitress.

“Pf, there is no fortress that I would not take. Haven't built one yet.

- Truth? Here we will check.

- Yes Easy! Look for our joint selfie on her page tomorrow. In my bedroom, and although without much joy, I already begin to develop my personal plan Barbarossa.

Maybe I'll have to tinker a little, although judging by the meager information about this ideological person, not a little. Oh, okay...let's break through.

– No, it won’t work like that, – Artyom drunkenly shakes his head and puts his palm forward: – I already know that you are a master of sitting down and having sex, but are you so irresistible that Romashkina would marry you ? BUT? Well, how are you?

- Are you really sick? That’s it, we don’t pour more for this guy, ”I tried to take the glass from him, but Pashutin pulled him closer with a jerk, spilling a good half on the table.

Bending over, doused with alcoholic vapors:

- Why? How to play small things, so the hero, but how to make a larger bet - then the point immediately shrunk?

- Well, you found something to compare - a pleasant pastime for one night and a wedding! I tap my temple with my finger and angrily sip my already warm beer.

He knows that I am a gambler and I will never refuse to prove once again that nothing is impossible for me. And as for the girls...

- So what? Marry, then divorce. I don’t force you to live with her until old age and I don’t force you to have children, ”Pashutin jumps up and throws a handful of cocktail mixture into his mouth. - But the very fact that you can not only get under a skirt, but also make a bigger one - that would definitely impress.

- Yeah, that's complete bullshit. And I don't want to marry, not to her, not to anyone at all. Thirty years, that's for sure.

‍​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​​​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌— Well, everything is as I thought . Okay, let's go, - Artyom throws contentedly and, chewing intensively, defiantly switches all his attention to the phone. I cover the glowing screen of the mobile with my palm and return attention to myself:

- What - as you thought? Negotiate.

- Let's go, I say.

- Answer!

Pashutin imposingly throws his legs on the table and lazily like this:

“Any idiot can make you go to bed, but you don’t have to take a chance on something bigger than that.”

- And I know one idiot that it’s not really a master to breed on a bed.

- The joke is counted, but it's not about me. I'm not on every corner shouting about my undeniable coolness. But you say a lot, but in fact zilch.

Well, that's a blow below the belt.

I roughly brush his feet off the table and hiss angrily in his face:

- Suppose I agree to this, but what good will it do me? Just to prove something to you? No, not interested. The topic of the dispute is serious, and therefore the exhaust must be worthwhile. Just to play more exciting.

“Come on, if you lose, then give me your Bentley,” Pashutin picks up.

- Drive?

- Nafik, he will drive me. At all.

- What if I win?

- And if you win, I will rewrite my hut for you, which I inherited from my grandmother. We play for high stakes - eyes shine, mug like a madman.

“You’re definitely sick,” I lean back on the back of the sofa and, not seeing anything around, I think about whether the game is worth the candle.

On the one hand, I want to prove that I don’t care about obstacles and any goal will be achieved, and the apartment is worth the jackpot, but on the other .... this is not to drag into a bed, this is a wedding. And what kind of fool would agree to this just like that? Or rather, I would have found such a fool, if I had chosen her myself, but this Romashkina ...

“In my opinion, the exchange is equivalent, I wouldn’t think so,” Pashutin teases, and I look at him already full of determination and a little pity:

- What for you is all? You're going to be homeless soon, you moron. That's why?

Artyom vaguely twitches his shoulder and looks with exaggerated interest at the girls wriggling on the dance floor.

- Hell knows. Boring. Yes, and I am sure that you will not persuade her.

- Tyoma, no offense - but you yourself suggested it - I extend my hand and already look forward to the taste of future victory: - Get out of my hut - I'm marrying Romashkina.

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